after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
