please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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