the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
