If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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