get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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