uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
