i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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