In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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