Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
