when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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