Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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