somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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