I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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