so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize