I wish you could order shots online.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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