you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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