Cold hands, warm shart.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize