I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
