So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
