Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
