Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
