This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
