I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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