I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
