You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
