Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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