No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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