My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
