He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
