there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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