There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
