didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
