A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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