yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
