dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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