I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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