dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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