Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
