did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
