I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
