Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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