he shaved USA in his pubs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
