roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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