And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
