Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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