I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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