i don't like sucking hair
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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