I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
