to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
