Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
