i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize