I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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