we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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