My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
