Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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