As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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