I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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