Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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