Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
