I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize