If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
