At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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