it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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