I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
