That's intense
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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