I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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