I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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