Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
