idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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