This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've blown a few things in my day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
