dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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