just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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