Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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