so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
