DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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