the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
