I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
