I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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