I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
