He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
did you just send me my own nude
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
