I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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