Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
