I heard we made out
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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