I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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